parenting

Sometimes it hurts to watch my kids grow up.

To watch them fail. To watch them learn lessons that need learning. To watch them have to take responsibility for a poor decision or forgetting homework or hurtful words or even a lost library book.

I know they need to learn about consequences and taking responsibility now when the stakes are low. I know that protecting and shielding them isn’t what is best for them. This is all part of growing up.

But it hurts. It hurts to watch them hurt. It especially hurts to show tough love when all I want to do is wrap them in my arms and make everything all better. Instead, I need to dry their tears, dust them off and throw them back out there in to the bad bad world.

Just have to pray for them and do all I can at home to get them ready for it.

Parenthood is getting tricky.

The past few weeks, I have been hosting events in my community sponsored by At&T. It has sparked some interesting conversations. Mainly, “When should kids get a cell phone?”

I don’t know about you, but my 9-year-old is already eyeing a cell phone. She thinks it would make a fabulous tenth birthday present. At first I was totally against it. And while I don’t think she’ll get one when she is ten, I think 11 (or middle school) is the perfect time.

Contact– As she gets more involved in activities after school and before school and sports and drama rehearsals and whathaveyou, I like the idea that she can contact me when she needs to get picked up or if her practices are running late. She could chat with Daddy when he travels, chat with her Aunties or Grandma. With features like AT&T’s Smart Limits, I can manage purchases, texting, data usage and time-of-day restrictions, block unwanted calls and texts, block calls to 411 directory assistance.

Learning Limits – This is a serious issue with a phone – or even internet access. Kids need to be taught what is appropriate online behavior – what kind of things do you say, what pictures can you post, etc. I feel like if we start early – 11 or 12 – our kids will (hopefully) be more open to our giving them input and sharing what they are up to. If they get a phone at 16, they will be in full “Hands Off Mom” mode and it will be harder to have these conversations.  I love that the Parental Controls are available for their cells as well as our home internet. We can help her learn safety early on.

Safety – If she has a phone, she can call or text me anytime, anywhere. If something is happening she is unsure about or worried about at a friend’s house, she can tell me. She can ask for help or have us come get her. With features like Family Finder, I can know where she is easily and keep track of her without constantly calling.

Responsibility – Having a phone is a huge responsibility. She’ll have to charge it, keep track of it, be safe with it. She’ll have to manage her budgeted texts and allowance for apps and downloads. It’s a great teaching tool. And we will so get the insurance for when she drops it in the pool or something  😉

I think she’ll be ready next year. What age are you thinking about getting phones for your kids?

Disclosure: I am proud to be part of an AT&T Family Safety Ambassador program. This is a compensated position

This week, Ellie is at a new camp.

Sorry, this week The Child Formerly Known as Ellie is at a new camp.

Yes, Ellie is trying out a new name.

Ellie’s name is actually Elizabeth. A week or two ago, she asked me if she could choose a new nickname. She feels that Ellie is a little girl’s name and she really wants to try out a different name.I was really surprised – I thought she really liked her name. For years she has refused to be called Elizabeth, insisting that Ellie was her “real” name.

I explained that because everyone knows her as Ellie, not Elizabeth, so it might be strange and confusing if she is suddenly Lizzy or something. I suggested if she is really serious, she should go by Elizabeth for awhile, then try a new nickname.

Just to be sure she likes her ‘new name’ she is testing it out at a camp where she doesn’t know anyone. So this week, she is known as “Eliza” to everyone at camp. So far she says she really likes it and she think this is a better name for her than Ellie.

I guess this is part of growing up. She is outgrowing things she used to love… including her name. I’m not upset by it – I’ve actually said to my husband that I like Eliza better than Ellie and wished we had called her that instead. But this symbolizes a beginning of a growing up journey – and her beginning to find herself and becoming her own person.

And I’m wondering who she’ll grow into. Ellie? Eliza? Elizabeth? Liz? Beth?

I thought I knew…

As my kids get older, I’m noticing that more and more friends are getting cell phones at younger ages.   The average age a child is given their first phone is 12.1; the average age for a child’s first smartphone is 13.8, but in our neighborhood, I often see 10- and 11-year-olds with iPhones.

Now, as parents, we have another arena we have to supervise – Mobile Safety. Here’s the challenge – once my daughters have cell phones, they can be contacted anytime by anyone — without my knowledge. And once they have a smart phone, the entire internet is at their fingertips. According to AT&T’s Mobile Safety study, one in five children say they have received a bullying text message and nearly half know someone who has received a sexual message or picture over their phone.

The AT&T Mobile Safety study questions were designed to examine parents’ concerns and children’s behaviors, and to better understand where gaps in safety awareness exist today. It surveyed 1,000 parents and 500 children, ages 8-17, and this is a must read, folks. The study showed:

• Almost 70% have answered a call from an unknown number.
• One in four teens ages 15-17 have received mean or bullying text messages (compared to nearly one in five reported by both 8- to 11- and 12- to 14-year-olds).
• More than half of kids report they’ve ridden in a car with someone who was texting and driving.
• 48 percent of children ages 12-14 have ridden in a vehicle with someone who was texting while driving. Among those ages 15-17, the percentage of teens who have ridden with a driver who was texting increases to 64 percent.
• More than half of teens ages 15-17 know someone who has received a sexual message or picture over their phone (compared to 39 percent among those aged 12-14).
• 58 percent of parents say that their mobile phone provider offers tools or resources for parents to address issues like overages, safety, security and monitoring. One in seven is not sure whether they have access to these services.

But one light at the end of the tunnel…. the study also showed that

• 90% of kids think it’s OK for parents to set rules on how kids can and cannot use the phone.
• 66% of kids have rules at home about use of their phone; 92% of these kids think they are fair — and this is consistent across age groups and types of phone (i.e., mobile phone and smartphone).

As parents we can set limit for our kids on their phones and enforce them. 2 out of 5 kids with a mobile phone say their parents have not talked to them about staying safe and secure when using the mobile phone. Its time to step up, parents, and protect our kids and teach Mobile Safety.

To see more, this AT&T Mobile Safety Infographic is really helpful. We’ll be talking more over the next month or two about Mobile Safety and ways we can protect our kids.

Disclosure: I am proud to be part of an AT&T Family Safety Ambassador program. This is a compensated position