family

weekend wrapup

Melissa

This weekend started by me taking all the kids along as we attended a Brownie Field Trip to the Aquarium with Ellie’s troop on Friday. I’m still not sure why I thought that was a good idea. Even with my father-in-law along to help it was insane. Eight-year-old girls in general are pretty exhausting. In a group, they are a force of nature! I came home and literally fell dead asleep for over an hour.

Then that evening, we saw Gracie’s first dance recital. It was so, so wonderful – the whole show was fantastic. The tiny class before hers – I think they were Tiny Tap class or something – were too adorable for words. So darling.  Gracie did a fantastic job! Her smile was so huge and you could tell she was loving every minute of being on stage! I was in tears the whole time…

my little ballerina

***

On Saturday, we went to Dorney Park for my husband’s company picnic. So much fun – it was the perfect day for it. Grace, Colin and I had to leave early, so we hit Planet Snoopy hard. Colin was thrilled – they had a truck ride AND a race car ride. I lost track of how many times we rode the race car ride. I’m still a little dizzy actually… He was super cute on this truck ride. He said, “I drivin’ and you in the back, Mama! It backwards!”

truck driver colin!

Ellie stayed with Daddy to hit all the roller coasters in the afternoon, which we headed home. Grandma and Grandpa watched Colin while I took Grace to her dance recital.

Grace had been begging me to be a Backstage Mom. She played the guilt card hard, so I signed up.
Big mistake. HUGE. My husband may or may not have gotten a text halfway through the show saying something along the lines of “Get me the heck out of here! Send wine!”
It turns out that the Backstage Mom is in charge of keeping the class entertained for the entire recital (except the 3 minutes they are dancing.)  This is a tough job. That I will never. do. again.  Every single Backstage Mom looked ready to collapse during the finale.

***

This week I’m hoping to get into the doctor again. I am still feeling awful – I’m not sure this medicine is working. I’m so so tired of being sick and feeling sick and being in pain and always being exhausted. Hoping to get better soon. Sorry if blogging is light. Or boring. There’s not much to write about when you’re sick!

 

the wall. i have hit it.

Melissa 1 Comment

Last week, before heading to Cape May, I went to the doctor. He thinks that I have Lyme’s again.  So I was put on antibiotics.

My body did not like the antibiotics. I was feeling incredibly nauseous whenever I took them, so I tried taking them with food, at different times a day… nothing was working. While they made the Lyme’s symptoms go away, they made me spent quite a bit of time lying down eating dry toast trying not to throw up.

So yesterday, we let them get out of my system. While I cared for someone else who was throwing up. Which I’m sure qualifies as “getting some rest,” like the doctor suggested. (WHY do they suggest that to moms? Seriously! Don’t they know moms can’t be sick?)  Anyway, they gave me new meds that I was able to take last night. Hopefully these will do the trick.

But meanwhile, I can barely type. My hands and arms are aching so very badly and I am totally exhausted. And its the last week of school and dance recital week, so our schedule is insane.

Like I said, moms can’t be sick. I hope this passes quickly.

to the frazzled mom in trader joes

Melissa 6 Comments

We made eye contact across the aisle, as you were trying to simultaneously pick up your toddler who was throwing a fit and calm the crying newborn in your cart.

I gave you that small smile that made you look away from me, embarrassed.  I was the woman in the store looking very put-together, having just come from a meeting, with no children with me. And you were so frazzled, trying to control your kids. You obviously hadn’t showered. You looked so embarrassed. And so very tired. You looked like I made you feel bad about yourself.

And I’ve been in your shoes – getting looked as my kids freak out. Feeling judged as a bad mom, practically hearing them think “My kids would never act like that.” Feeling frazzled and frumpy and embarrassed.

But I wasn’t judging you – I was remembering.

You see…

Monday, I was the mom who yelled at her kid for dropping a (full) bowl of cereal on the floor she had just cleaned.
Tuesday, I was the mom in the grocery store whose kids were arguing over who touched who as they begged loudly for cupcakes.
Wednesday, I was the mom who obviously hadn’t showered, running all over creation still in her workout clothes from that morning.
Thursday, I was once again that mom whose son was laying on the floor of Target crying because she wouldn’t buy him a toy.
Friday, I was so frazzled that I completely forgot a playdate I had scheduled and had to apologize to my daughter’s 6-year-old friend.

I was smiling because I totally, completely understood what you were feeling at that moment.

And I wished I could have told you that.

the baby birds

Melissa

Ellie came running over to us, so excited.
“Mom, Dad! I found a bird’s nest! With baby birds in it!”

As she told us the story, we learned that while she was exploring in the woods, she saw a bird coming out of a hollow tree. She went to check it out and looked inside – breaking off a bit of the trunk in the process. She discovered a nest filled with baby birds – she had held one of the baby birds and put it back in the nest.

Our eyes met over her head, distressed. We both thought she might have just killed those birds. (Because isn’t it true that when you touch baby birds their parents will abandon them because of your scent?) But what should we say? Her soft heart would just break in half if she thought she had hurt a baby bird. She was so, so excited about the baby birds – literally bouncing where she stood as she told about how she found them. Ellie adores animals of all types and wants to be a zookeeper or a vet when she grows up. This knowledge would kill her. We talked a bit about how you need to leave baby birds alone – just look, not touch.

I was heartbroken. I know about the Circle of Life, I’ve seen Planet Earth. I know that baby carnivores need to eat too.  But it still broke my heart that these birds might die because of her innocent curiosity.

But then…

Then the next morning, my heart sang as we saw the mother and father birds flying close to the nest, feeding the babies and protecting them. Once we got home, we learned that birds shunning their babies after human contact is an old wives tale – birds actually have a weak sense of smell, so they don’t notice the smell of humans. As long as you leave the nest alone, they’ll return. (But clearly baby birds are very delicate, so you shouldn’t touch.)

I was so, so happy. I was just imagining her hearing someday about how touching baby birds can kill them – and realizing that one of her most precious childhood memories was actually awful. That those baby birds she found died because of her. I’m so, so thankful that isn’t the case. That we don’t have to decide whether to keep the truth from her or not.

Now we just have the beautiful memory of witnessing these tiny creatures just starting their lives and our precious Ellie has an amazing picture of God’s care and love for His creatures. And for her…

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

 

 

take a hike

Melissa 9 Comments

The first day of camping, we went on a hike to see a waterfall. The kids were such troopers. Colin was in a terrible mood when we started. We were all of ten feet into the woods and he was crying that he was tired. (I was being a very sensitive mom, saying things like, “If we can still see the parking lot, you are not allowed to be tired!” but others had more sympathy and carried him until he stopped being grumpy.)


It was so, so green. And peaceful. (When Colin wasn’t whining, at least.)


So gorgeous.


There was so much to see… As soon as we got to the river, Colin decided not to be grumpy anymore and was such fun.

I love, love, love that she took the log across the river – not the bridge. This is one reason I love her so much.

When the water got a little deep or too fast moving  for Colin, he hitched a ride.


But he got braver and braver as the hike went on. (I literally had to stop him from jumping in the river at the waterfall.)

and we made it!! Gorgeous and totally worth it!


Go take a hike.

kids and entitlement

Melissa 10 Comments

Colin came running up to me, all excited: “MAMA! There a Cars car and helmet on TV!”
“Wow! Cool!”
“Can you get it for me?”
“No, not right now.”

(insert tantrum.)

Seriously?

I wish I could say this happened to someone else’s kid. But, nope!  That’s all mine.

I was outraged. He has at least 30 little Cars character cars. Not to mention a Cars playtent, a Cars scooter, Cars decals on his walls, Cars tshirts, Cars underwear… and he already has a Cars helmet! And here he is, laying on the floor of the family room in tears because I will not run out this very second and buy him a Cars Powerwheels that he is too young to drive anyway!!!

How do you distinguish between a want and a need with a three year old? I have no idea. He honestly seemed to think that he was being wronged by my not running out to buy him a $300 toy! Where did this sense of entitlement come from? I had no idea how to handle this.

But this is what I did.

We went up to his room and looked at all of his toys. We looked at his big container of Cars, his other toys, his many books. We took out the Cars book that he got at Barnes and Noble on Tuesday. (He got to pick out a book because he had gone pee-pee on the potty 7 days in a row.)  We went downstairs and looked at his Cars scooter and I showed him his Cars helmet.

We talked about being thankful for the things we have. I made him tell me his favorite toys and why he likes them and is thankful for them. We remembered all the gifts he had just gotten for his birthday. Then we talked about all the children who have no toys, like the kids in Haiti that Daddy saw.  Then we talked about the car. “It was really cool, wasn’t it? But I don’t think it will work for us right now.”

By the end of all this, he was calm. He apologized for throwing a fit and gave me a kiss. And he went off to play with his toys happily.

But this scares me! I’m seeing it more and more in my kids lately. They seem  to be constantly expecting things – and I don’t really know what to do. What do you think about a ‘freeze’? Maybe all of us not buying anything we don’t need for a month?  Would that help them see what is a want and a need? Or should we focus on their allowance and being stricter about them buying ‘extras’ with their own money?

Anyone have any ideas?

mothering fail

Melissa 2 Comments
  • The other morning Ellie woke me up at 5:45. I told her to go back to bed. Not super gently.
  • Then Colin woke up at 6. And we immediately went to the potty, since mornings are usually the only time he manages to go potty lately. He somehow peed sideways (!?!?!?!?) and managed to get himself, the floor, the wall and the carpet in the hallway (?!?!??!??!!!!) wet.
  • I got him cleaned up, sent him up to our bed and cleaned up the mess.
  • Finally at 7:00 we all went downstairs for breakfast. Where Colin dropped his yogurt in his lap (That’s organic! Do you know how much that cost!?!?) Then someone knocked over their orange juice.
  • Did I mention we’re overrun with ants? So the orange juice should really help this issue.
  • And that this was the only morning all week that we had to be out the door by 8:30?

I did not handle this well. Let’s just leave it at that.

I have tons of excuses. I’m tired. My husband had been traveling all week. My allergies are making me feel awful….

But those are not excuses. Now that I’m looking back at it, I wasn’t even angry at them. I was angry because I was inconvenienced and my morning wasn’t going as planned.

I apologized.
Hugs were given and accepted.
We started over.
Once again.

 

 

letting go. and letting little people load the dishwasher.

Melissa 6 Comments

Lately we have been encouraging our kids to take more responsibility around the house. Now that I started working part-time (Did I not mention that? I’ve probably been too busy!), help is just what I need around here. Obviously, its important to give kids responsibilities for jobs around the home. Its not just to be helpful to busy parents, but teaching children to become cooperative members of a household is one of the best ways to teach them responsibility. And it is a vital step in developing caring, considerate adults.

I know this.

But it is seriously trying my patience. You have no idea.

I’m one of those people who usually just does things myself because I want it done “just so.”  The dishes must be done immediately after dinner. The plates go here, the bowls go there, the cups go here and the coffee cups must go over there. So it is hard for me to sit at the table while a 8-year-old and 6-year-old load the dishwasher with GOOD HEAVENS a 3-year-old helping. Oh, you should see the way the kids load the dishwasher.

It makes me twitch. I am not kidding.

And, oh, the messes. The living room can be perfectly clean. I blink… and its trashed. And their rooms. THEIR ROOMS. LORD, HAVE MERCY. And who cleans it up? Me. But why? What is that teaching my kids? Now that the girls are in elementary school, its time to make their toys and their room their responsibility.

Hold me.

Their room is a great training ground for them to learn responsibility for their possessions. Learning to set the table, make a bed and run a vacuum cleaner are basic skills that are just as important as learning ABCs. If we continually clean up their messes, what are they learning? How is that helping them? And if I continually criticize the job they are doing, how will that encourage them to keep at it?

No. We need to let them do these chores on their own. And keep quiet.

We made up a chore chart and its been helping them keep up.  The kids like seeing things checked off and it a good way to cut down on nagging. They know exactly what they need to do every day.

The Chore Chart has helped immensely! It is a clear way for them to know what is expected, for us to track what they are doing and for my husband and I to keep on track as well. There’s no power struggles, since the kids know exactly what is expected throughout the week.

And the best part of this whole thing (besides the learning responsibility thing)? Colin doesn’t want to be left out. He is following around his sisters, ‘helping’ them the way they used to ‘help’ us. So he’s learning how to do the dishes, clean up the kid’s bathroom and pick up his room by watching his sisters. Love it.

What are your tricks for dealing with chores and kids?