Girlymama

I'm just inside, taking a break from lying out in the sun on my mom's deck in a bikini.  Is there a career path I could follow that would let me do this professionally?

Not a lifeguard, since I don't like to swim. Not a professional beach volleyball player, since I have zero desire to dive in the sand after a stupid ball. Not a swimsuit model, since I lack boobs.

A trophy wife, perhaps? (Actually probably don't qualify for that, due to the lack of boobs and the fact that I'm already married.)

Is there anything else? Because I really like doing this.

Realized I hadn’t updated the diet log. I really, really stuck with South Beach for 4 whole days. Then, last night we met friends at Dairy Queen for ice cream. And there is just nothing at Dairy Queen that’s doesn’t have sugar. So I cheated. Got the Blizzard. It tasted like a little piece of heaven melting in my mouth.

But later that night I felt soooo gross. Not like “I-can’t-believe-I-ate-that-I’m-such-a-lard-butt” gross, but physically gross. Maybe my body just wasn’t ready. Should have eased into the cheating. So, I learned my lesson.

Now, I must announce that this was my last day of serious South Beaching. Why, you ask? Because I have GAINED weight since I started! WHAT?!?! How?!?! I have been so hungry! Not cheating! (except Dairy Queen) Boggles my mind.

So back to just trying to minimize sugar and eating just the whole foods in reasonable portions. Bring on the rice and pasta. I’m back!

Today I survived a doctors appointment, dental work AND a 7 hour drive alone with two toddlers.

Sorry to toot my own horn, but I rock.

Well, today at about 4:30, PMS reared its ugly head. My kids were playing as usual, my husband (who has spent his day off with them so I could attend a training seminar) was hanging around. And I was highly, severely annoyed with them all. I could not tell you why I was annoyed. And angry. And on the verge of tears. I was snippy towards Husband, snapping at Girls and, generally, just being a brat. 

I've had a lot less of this (severe hormonal-induced mood swings) since the doctor put me on the Pill to help with postpartum depression. But it still comes out occasionally when I'm starting my period. The best part is that along with feeling upset, mad, horrible, etc, I get to feel tremendously guilty for putting my family through this.

Its really not fair that they have to deal with this along with me. As much as I want to say, "Being a girl stinks with all these hormones, cramps, childbirth, etc," I think that it might be harder to have to live with a girl whose going through all of that!

We all try to eat what is known as a “whole foods” diet in our house (basically “If God didn’t make it, don’t eat it”).  This means lots of fruits and veggies, meats, dairy, whole wheat bread and pasta, brown rice, minimal refined sugar and processed foods.  Kind of like “South Beach Diet,” only not militant.

Usually, this menu goes over fairly well. My kids would eat nothing but fruit if I let them and eat a fairly good variety of veggies. They’ve been eating whole wheat bread and pasta for so long that they now prefer it. (G1 actually refuses to eat white bread, even taking the bun off of her hot dog.)  Now, let me clarify for a second, I am not a food-Nazi.  We do eat the occasional pizza, hot dogs, McDonalds, Goldfish crackers, etc. My kids love baking, so we’ll often have banana bread or cookies hanging around. I have been known to polish off an entire bag of jelly beans at Easter. And I do have a significant weakness for crusty French bread hot from the oven. With butter. Ummm… But, I digress. For our daily eating, we try to stick to whole foods. Personally, I really enjoy this kind of eating. It’s quite tasty. I don’t miss things like white bread and pasta, lots of crackers, or “convenience” foods like Hamburger Helper (gag).  It helps that I have discovered a fantastic cheap farmers market right down the road. Ooo, I love that store. Huge bins of fresh veggies, herbs, fruits, nuts… yum.

But, I have discovered this conundrum: It is expensive to eat healthy!  And I’m not talking just the price of organic v. non-organic. That’s a whole other blog.  But I’m talking about how healthy cereal never seems to go on sale, but Lucky Charms and Fruity Pebbles do! It is so hard in my innate cheapness to pick up the $4.50 package of Total Vanilla Yogurt Crunch (my favorite – try it!) instead of the $2 Rice Krispies. Or the whole-wheat pasta, when the regular pasta is on sale 10 for $1. (Okay that price was an exaggeration, but you get my drift.) I don’t bother to clip coupons (except Pampers) because there are never coupons for bananas or cucumbers or milk. How is the sodium tripolyphosphate, silicon dioxide, corn syrup and artificial flavor in instant potatoes really cheaper than actual potatoes? I just don’t get it.Don’t even get me started about buying produce at the grocery store! Not only is it often sad-looking, but it is so expensive! I was forced by a packed schedule to buy our produce at the grocery store this week. You may have seen the results. I opened the bagged salad – half the lettuce was rotten. And I got maybe… 2 bags of produce. I’m not sure how much it cost, but it sure seemed like a significant portion of the bill, since I didn’t buy much else. grrrrr…Okay. I’m done ranting and raving on my soapbox for today.

Go eat your veggies.

Tomorrow I have two very unpleasant things scheduled. First, I have some dental work scheduled for late morning (always a treat) and then I am driving out to Cleveland to visit my mom. With G3 (newly potty-trained) and G1. ALONE. I'm not looking forward to this drive, which is usually around 7 hours. I'm expecting it to take longer tomorrow, just because of extra potty stops and re-caffination breaks.

I think I am ready. I can do this. I'm currently copying Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban onto my ipod to listen to – so I won't have to listen to Elmo and Pooh's Heffalump Movie the whole way.  The problem is, if this trip is truly horrible… I still have to drive home!

 And I'm not sure what I am dreading more – the dental chair or driving 8 hours alone with two toddlers.  I think maybe the drive is worse, because it will take longer.

I'm a big fan of getting unpleasant things over as quickly as possible. Tell me the bad news first, then the good news. Just rip off that Band-aid. Shots, dental work, whatever it is I want it to be over and done.  My last dental appointment the novicane was wearing off and the dentist offered to re-shoot and wait for 20 minutes. I said no way! Just finish up and get me out of here!! 

Husband, who came home today wearing scrubs: "You know, I get checked out a lot more when I'm wearing scrubs. And, I mean a lot more. Its noticeable."

hilarious

For some crazy, inexplicable reason I decided to go clothes shopping with the girls today. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess it was the combination of a coupon for 15% off my purchase and needing some summer tops that are not t-shirts.  (Overall, the actual purchasing was successful – adorable, ruffle-y white blouse and fun tank top. But one, get one free, so a pretty good deal to boot.)

So, why was this crazy? Because I brought my kids. Why oh WHY can't I remember not to do this? They behaved soooooooo badly. So embarassing. G1 whined pretty much the whole time and threw two fits in the stroller.  We left the store with me holding her while she screamed, which she topped off by smacking me in the face. G3 finished her bribery, err snack, within the first 5 minutes, climbed out of the stroller and was running around the store, hiding under clothing racks and hitting her sister with coat hangers she found on the floor. Then (the steam is beginning to trickle out my ears) we were in the check-out line (with screaming G1) and G3 decides that she needed to go peepee. Now. So off to the potty we ran, which was naturally hidden on the opposite side of the store, where she proceeded to pee all over her panties while sitting on the pot. How you ask? No clue. So, back to the checkout (again, screaming G1 in tow).

I was getting looks now. You know the look. The "WHAT-is-that-crazy-lady-doing" look. The "You-shouldn't-leave-the-house-if-you-can't-control-those-disgraceful-children" look. The "She-should-just-leave-so-we-can-shop-in-peace" look.

So, we pay (still screaming!) and head to the car. The steam is pouring out my ears by this point, having just been smacked in the face by G1. I load the screamers in the van. We drive to an unoccupied section of parking lot for a talking to and a breather for me.

And – what do I do now? What else?!? Go to Target!! I mean, I'm already there and I am trying to conserve gas and I have two things to return, so why not? How could it possibly be worse than what I just experienced?

I clearly have trouble learning from my mistakes.  Smartly, though, I did pick up a big bottle of fast-acting Advil Liqui-Gels, so the trip to Target wasn't a total waste.

Today's sermon was on Revelation 21:5-8.  The pastor focused on verse 6: "And he said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega,the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.'" 

Thirsting for God. What does that mean? Look at Psalm 63:1-2 (my favorite psalm!) "Oh, God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my body longs for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water."  I need God the way that a dying man in the desert needs water.  Nothing is more essential to my existance than Him.  God above all else.

But do I really live like this? Do I truly thirst for God?

I have everything I could really want (well, really need). A home, a beautiful family, love, health, freedom. I live in a nation of plenty, the most powerful, richest nation in the world.  But also a nation with astounding rates of depression, dysfunction and boredom. Blaise Pascal said "There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person and it can never be filled by any created thing. It can only be filled by God, made known through Jesus Christ." We are filling our 'vacuum' with food, recreation, sex, entertainmant.  Millions of people who live with constant 'entertainment' – the tv, radio, or computer is always on. People cannot stand to just be. Quiet is avoided at all times – sometimes even while sleeping. If we keep ourselves busy and entertained, we will not feel the aching emptiness that permiates our lives when we turn to these poor substitutes for Jesus Christ.

Jeremiah 2:12-13 says "Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the Lord, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water." It is in God and God alone that I can be satisfied. In God and God alone can I be at peace.  In God and God alone can I find meaning in life.  Everything else is just a 'broken cistern' that cannot hold water. 

Desiring God, thirsting after God, is the most important thing I can do to keep my faith. This is key to overcoming all sorts of adversity. If I am thirsting after God, I will read my Bible, pray, etc. I will desire these things, as I desire water, food or sleep. I must do this. I need to work on this in my life.

As I am typing this at my computer I looked over and saw a book on Nick's bookshelf. Desiring God by John Piper. Perhaps I should read it.

Hangin' in there. Avoided the munchkins at church. Ended up picking up McDonalds for lunch, after being stuck in traffic for ONE HOUR on the way home (poor kids were straving and falling asleep!)  I got the new Asian Salad w/ grilled chicken. Yum! I will say it again, YUM!!  Highly recommend it.  Feeling fairly full and not too many cravings.

Confession: I did cheat a little. I ate Grace's two leftover chicken nuggets and a few french fries. (really – only a couple) This may be why I'm full.

bedtime update: Did it! I went to a gathering after evening church and avoided the cake, cookies and – wait for it – Doritos. I am terribly pleased with myself for not eating any Doritos. (really! i didn't!)  I did take a brownie… only to put it back. I'm feeling a little hungry, but that's probably because I just ate some dinner and its almost 10pm.  Lets see if I can keep it up! Bikini here I come!!