Every once in awhile, I have that rare moment of peace.
The house is cleaned, laundry is done, dinner is cooking in the oven, work is done for the day.
Everyone is playing quietly…
And I can take a moment to breathe.
To sit.
To smile.
And to be thankful.
Happy birthday to my little “Mini-Me.” I love you so much. I love your kind heart. Your sweetness. Your laugh.
I love that you want to be a ballerina fashion blogger when you grow up.
Don’t ever lose your sparkle.
This morning, my baby boy came up to me.
“Mommy, I need a huggy.”
I reached down and lifted him up into my arms. His little arms wrapped tight around my neck as he hugged me so very tight. I thought of one of my favorite quotes…
My heart was full to bursting with love for this little guy. He’s so sweet. So very special. And he’s mine.
All I could do was offer up a prayer of thanks for this person God had placed in my life.
“Mommy,” he whispered.
“Yes, baby?”
“I have to toot.”
Sigh.
The other day, someone said something I hate to hear. “You’re the perfect mom.”
Oh sweetie. Clearly you don’t know me very well.
Yes, my kids were dressed up for church, sitting quietly together. But that was a mere 5 minute window into our day.
You didn’t see me yelling at them to get in the car. Or telling my daughter to “stop whining” while I tried to brush her crazy hair into something presentable. Or having to reason with my son over why he couldn’t wear only his Star Wars underwear and a pajama top to church (“Why can’t I? God knows what my butt looks like! He made it, Mom!”). Or the piles of laundry I stepped over on the way out the door.
I am so so far from a perfect mother. Most days I feel like a “Barely Adequate Mother.” For so many reasons. Like:
For every time I walk out of Target with a smiling, behaving children, there is probably a time I walked out with someone crying because I didn’t buy them [insert toy/book/stickers/whatever here]. For every time you see us in public looking presentable, there was probably a battle beforehand about what they were going to wear, how we will do their hair and, most likely, both.
We’re all that mom with the screaming kid. That frazzled mom hissing “STOP IT RIGHTNOWORELSE” through her teeth. That mom who looks every bit as exhausted as she feels.
You might just catch us on a good day.
Yesterday Ellie had a tubing trip with her Girl Scout troop. In my attempt to be organized, I had printed out the permission slip with all the details and paper clipped it in my planner so I wouldn’t forget. I followed all the instructions, packed everything she needed and layered her with sunscreen. We pulled into the parking lot of her school at 12:25 – exactly 5 minutes before they were scheduled to leave.
The parking lot was completely empty.
I’m panicking – the permission slip just said “drop off point at 12:30.” Did I have the wrong drop off point? This was always the drop off point! I’m calling people’s cell phones, but no one is answering. Calling my husband, trying to figure it out. I finally was searching old emails and found one that said the drop off point was – you guessed it – the tubing place. NOT the school. We were at least half an hour away – I was driving as fast as I could, trying to call people and tell them to wait, but couldn’t get hold of anyone.
I knew there was a very good chance she was going to miss this trip. Because of me.
I’m so tired of being ‘that mom.’ The mom who is always late, forgetting things, getting the phone calls and emails because I’m about to miss deadlines. I’m tired of being such a spaz. I don’t know what else to do. I already write practically everything down and have alerts sent to my phone with reminders. And yet I still do stuff like this. I hate it. It makes me feel like a failure. Like I’m the worst mom ever.
And I swear it pretty much only happens with Girl Scouts. I don’t know why I can’t get it together with this. I hate that I always drop the ball with this activity. Its like I am physically unable to do anything right with them. What is my problem?
I cried almost the whole way to the tubing place. I was so frustrated and mad at myself.
Poor Ellie.
She was comforting me from the backseat. Saying, “Its okay, Mom. Everyone makes mistakes. Its just tubing. Don’t worry. Its okay.”
I don’t deserve this kid.
We made it with one minute to spare. And once again, all the Girl Scout moms probably thought I was the crazy spaz I usually am in front of them, as I show up completely frazzled with red eyes from crying. But she made it. And she had a terrific time.
Thank God for small favors.
A big thanks to Disney Baby for sponsoring this post and the Disney Baby “Little Character” Contest.
Magical moments are everywhere – but in motherhood, they tend to get lost in the everyday craziness of parenting. Sometimes I’m so wrapped up in feedings, dirty diapers, the messy house, whiny toddlers… all wrapped up in a big fat bow of exhaustion. I forget how magical the little things are: tiny arms giving you a hug, a little hand wrapped around your finger while you breathe in that baby smell, rocking your baby to sleep – watching those eyes slowly close, those very first “mama”s… Magic.
I honestly have very few memories of when Gracie was a baby. Its terrible. With two babies so close in age and a husband working and going to school, I was just surviving day-to-day, going to sleepless night to sleepless night. Thank goodness for cameras!
When Disney Baby asked for my magical memories of my babies, I instantly remembered one. Grace was about a month old, Ellie was 19 months. Grace was in the bouncy seat crying away while I made a quick dinner for me and Ellie. I think Ellie was watching Finding Nemo in the living room. Suddenly, Grace was quiet. I peeked around the corner of the kitchen and saw this:
Ellie was playing with her sister. Grace looks cautious here, but she was fascinated. They played for like ten minutes (which for an 19 month old and one month old is a long time). It warmed my exhausted mommy heart to the core. They were playing. For the very first time. I started to feel like we could do this. Our family was coming together and we were going to make it. Then, I caught this…
Oh the sweetness breaks my heart still. I’m going to have this picture by my bed when they’re both teenagers so I can remember the sweetness. And remember the magic time when my babies were babies and just discovering each other.
Do you have a magical moment with a newborn to 24-month-old? It could be a winner! Just upload your magical moment to Disney Baby‘s Little Character Contest now through June 18 and you could be a weekly winner, a fan favorite winner or a grand prize winner of amazing prizes. Prizes include $10,000 scholarship, a trip to LA plus $500 shopping spree, a 1 year supply of Huggies® diapers, your baby’s photo in a national magazine, a trip to a Beaches Resort and more!
For more information on the Little Character contest, the rules, the lists of all the prizes and more, go to Disney Baby’s Little Character Contest page.
If you need me, I’ll be right here. Looking at old pictures and wondering how my babies got to be so darn big so darn fast. Keep those magical moments close to your heart!
Honestly, so many days as a mom I feel like this:
Its hard. Its exhausting. It is one of the few things that can make me scream. Or cry. Sometimes at the same time. It makes me feel inadequate like nothing you can imagine. It brings me to my knees daily, as I plead for wisdom is how to do this.
But it does give you perks. Like this:
and this:
And my cup runneth over.
I’m so blessed. With my own amazing little rugrats. And with the moms in my life.
My own mom is still mothering me, even though I’m gone with my own little ones. Every day she is giving me advise, helping me with deal with motherhood (probably while chuckling to herself and thinking “Payback!”) and telling me, “You can do this. You can do this.”
My mother-in-law is amazing – how many other mother-in-laws will come over to babysit and when you get home, say “Well, while Colin napped I did your ironing and cleaned the bathroom. Hope that’s okay.” She is so supportive of our family – we are so blessed.
My grandma is the very personification of generosity and giving. If I called her and said, “I need you!” She would throw Grandpa in the car and be halfway across Connecticut before he even knew what was happening.
My aunts are the same. So supportive, so loving, so adored by my kids.
And my sisters! All of them – in-laws and not – I feel like my kids have 5 extra moms. And I love it.
I feel surrounded by love this mothers day. I wish everyone could feel just like this.
“Mama, I sort of wish it wasn’t my birthday.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to be your little boy forever and ever.”
Oh, my little love. You will always be my little boy.
Forever and ever.
Happy birthday, Colin.
Mama loves her little boy.
Confession: This is me.
I am not a fan of exercise.
I have to force myself workout.
I am super awesome at finding excuses… I’m tired. I’m PMS-ing. I’m too busy. Its Tuesday. Its awful.
Well, we joined a gym last month and I am determined to workout.
You know how they say that when you workout you feel better? Something about endorphins? How you start to love exercise?
Its a myth. A total myth.
Frankly the only thing I like about working out at the gym is that I get to drop off my kids and no one talks to me for awhile.
Oh. OH — want to hear the best part? I have lost exactly zero pounds. ZERO. Zip. NADA. Not a single stinking pound, despite my sweating my butt off 3-4 days a week.
Sigh. Back to the gym.
Slow down, please.
Its going too fast.
How are you nine? NINE. I see the teenager poking through, whether its begging for an iPod for your birthday, dancing to Taylor Swift in your room or giving me “the look”.
But you still love stuffed animals. You still snuggle up to me when we watch a movie. You still play on the tire swing. You still hold my hand.
You still hugged Big Bird. Even when your sister wouldn’t. And when “big kids” were around. I love that.
Slow down… just a little. Don’t grow up too fast. I’m not ready to lose you.
