This morning, my baby boy came up to me.
“Mommy, I need a huggy.”
I reached down and lifted him up into my arms. His little arms wrapped tight around my neck as he hugged me so very tight. I thought of one of my favorite quotes…
My heart was full to bursting with love for this little guy. He’s so sweet. So very special. And he’s mine.
All I could do was offer up a prayer of thanks for this person God had placed in my life.
“Mommy,” he whispered.
“Yes, baby?”
“I have to toot.”
Sigh.
Its so true.
Friday, I found my son outside proudly showing me his new best friend:
His name is “Toadie.” And Colin asked if he could keep him.
“No.” “Maybe.” said my husband and I simultaneously. (Guess which one was me?) We were heading out the door, so we put Toadie in a bucket while we ran our errands.
“Why are we putting him in a bucket? We’re not keeping it!” I said and was ignored by everyone.
Half an hour later, we were in PetSmart, next door to the Barnes & Noble where we had stopped.
“Why are we here? We’re not keeping it!” I said and was ignored by everyone.
Then we were looking at terrariums.
“Why are we looking at these? We’re not keeping it!” I said and was ignored by everyone.
Then I listened as my husband was discussing frog/snake/reptile habitats with the PetSmart employee.
“HELLO!! We’re not keeping it!” I said and was ignored by everyone.
See this is the problem: Daddies are little boys at heart. So when their little boy finds a toad or snake or {insert slippery slimey creature here], Daddy is like “Awesome! My mom never let me have one! This is my chance!!” They are still made of frogs and snails and puppy-dog tails… they never truly outgrow it. So they try to talk you into things like keeping that snake you found while camping and honestly think that a boa constrictor is a fabulous family pet, never mind the fact that it would probably eat the cat. And your baby nephew.
Luckily, while debating between a terrarium and aquarium, my husband finally realized that this was actually quite an investment for a wild toad found hiding in the tomato plants and we decided that we should wait and do more research before investing in an animal habitat. Especially since he wants to get one that will work for toads, fish, lizards (remember Bob?) and snakes.
So we came home and let Toadie go.
Thank goodness.
I think it is absolutely hilarious that they think I’m going to live somewhere that has a snake in it.
Yesterday Ellie had a tubing trip with her Girl Scout troop. In my attempt to be organized, I had printed out the permission slip with all the details and paper clipped it in my planner so I wouldn’t forget. I followed all the instructions, packed everything she needed and layered her with sunscreen. We pulled into the parking lot of her school at 12:25 – exactly 5 minutes before they were scheduled to leave.
The parking lot was completely empty.
I’m panicking – the permission slip just said “drop off point at 12:30.” Did I have the wrong drop off point? This was always the drop off point! I’m calling people’s cell phones, but no one is answering. Calling my husband, trying to figure it out. I finally was searching old emails and found one that said the drop off point was – you guessed it – the tubing place. NOT the school. We were at least half an hour away – I was driving as fast as I could, trying to call people and tell them to wait, but couldn’t get hold of anyone.
I knew there was a very good chance she was going to miss this trip. Because of me.
I’m so tired of being ‘that mom.’ The mom who is always late, forgetting things, getting the phone calls and emails because I’m about to miss deadlines. I’m tired of being such a spaz. I don’t know what else to do. I already write practically everything down and have alerts sent to my phone with reminders. And yet I still do stuff like this. I hate it. It makes me feel like a failure. Like I’m the worst mom ever.
And I swear it pretty much only happens with Girl Scouts. I don’t know why I can’t get it together with this. I hate that I always drop the ball with this activity. Its like I am physically unable to do anything right with them. What is my problem?
I cried almost the whole way to the tubing place. I was so frustrated and mad at myself.
Poor Ellie.
She was comforting me from the backseat. Saying, “Its okay, Mom. Everyone makes mistakes. Its just tubing. Don’t worry. Its okay.”
I don’t deserve this kid.
We made it with one minute to spare. And once again, all the Girl Scout moms probably thought I was the crazy spaz I usually am in front of them, as I show up completely frazzled with red eyes from crying. But she made it. And she had a terrific time.
Thank God for small favors.
Its been a crazy two weeks.
Actually, its been a crazy six weeks!
Anyway, by Friday I found myself sick and exhausted and looking forward to a weekend of quiet.
Then they found a salamander in the backyard.
And, despite my saying many, many times that there was no way in YOU KNOW WHAT it was coming into the house….
His name is Bob.
Hold me.
Lately our kids have been asking questions. Big questions.
Where do babies come from?
How do I know I’m going to heaven?
How do people die?
Suddenly these little minds are thinking about things that most adults don’t even think about. Even Colin – he was the one who asked how people die. Not just “in an accident” or “because they are sick or old” — he wanted to know physically, what happens to our bodies that makes people die.
Need I remind you he’s only 3?
Nevermind the girls. We’ve been having lots of late night chats in their beds about all sorts of things…
but I’m lost, guys.
I feel so overwhelmed about this. I have no idea how to explain these things to a child. I’d be clueless how to explain some of these things to an adult! The questions are getting bigger and bigger. I need to find some parenting books or something to give me an idea about where to even start.
Especially on the whole “where to babies come from” thing.
HELP!
I innocently walk into the bathroom. Holding my freshly brewed cup of coffee, just to check on my little guy who is about to take his nap. And almost spit the coffee out of my mouth.
He’s standing there, holding a wad of toilet paper as big as his head. There was poo everywhere. There was poo all down his leg, on his BACK, on the potty, on the floor, on the wall, on his foot – his FOOT, people.
It was one of those parenting moments when you’re just speechless. You can’t even think of what to say. Things like “How?” and “Why?” just don’t seem to cover the confusion you’re feeling about how what just happened just happened.
20 minutes, half a canister of Lysol wipes, lots of Purell and a bath for Colin later, al I can say is OHMYWORD, I need a vacation.
I have to go redisinfect the bathroom now, just to be safe . And probably my kid, too.
Last week, I was watching CNN and Gracie came in and joined me. Coverage of the school shooting in Chardon came up and they were talking about the school being in lockdown.
“Wait,” said Grace. “THAT’S what ‘Lockdown’ is? People shooting???”
What is a mom to say? Yes, that is what lockdown is. It is for when there is a danger in the school that you need protecting from. She’s only in first grade, she has no idea what lockdown really was… it was just another thing, like a fire drill or the ‘duck and cover’ earthquake drills I did growing up in California.
She was confused and horrified. It didn’t take long for her to put two and two together.
“So, when my school was in lockdown, there was someone shooting?”
“No, the gunman wasn’t in your school.”
“Then why were we in lockdown?”
“Well… he was near the school.”
“But, why? Why would someone want to shoot people? Why would someone want to hurt us?”
There’s the question, isn’t it? How can you explain something that makes no sense? Especially to a child. A sweet, sensitive child who cried when the hermit crab died, still cries at night because she misses her great grandma and says that she wants to work in a nursing home someday because she “loves giving old people hugs.” How can you convey to this child the inexplicable idea that people are capable of positively evil things that you cannot even imagine? That there are people who would purposely hurt her?
I’m speechless. Truly speechless.
I had one of my scariest moments as a mother.
We took the kids into Philly for the car show. We’ve gone a few times before and its always a really fun day.
Minutes after this picture was taken, we were over in the Subaru section and I noticed Grace wasn’t there.
“Where’s Grace?” I asked, looking around, not really worried. She was probably with her dad or inside a car or something. But we didn’t see her with a quick look around the immediate area.
We searched that whole section… she still was gone. My mom stayed where we were with the other kids and my husband and I searched in opposite directions.
5 minutes later, she was still gone. (Oh, God. Please help us find her.)
10 minutes later, she was still gone. (Oh, God, please. Be with her. Find her. Please, please, please.)
I was in a blind panic. The huge EXIT sign right next to where we lost her was making me shakey. The door was right there. Did she leave? Did someone take her?
I found security and reported her missing. They sent out a description of her. I was sitting in a chair in the security room, shaking uncontrollably and trying to breathe, praying desperately. (God, help us find her. God, help us. God, protect her. God, be with her. Oh, God, please.)
I tried to tweet out a desperate plea for prayer, but my hands were shaking so badly I couldn’t type on my phone.
My husband was calling me every few minutes as he searched.
The guard asked for confirmation from all security personnel the exits that they had the description.
I heard a voice through the security walkie-talkie that someone was sweeping the men’s restrooms.
I almost threw up. My mind was just screaming “Oh, God! Oh, God!” I couldn’t get past those words to anything more.
The security lady told me to come with her to search the women’s rooms, probably to get me out of that office.
We were searching a restroom when she suddenly touched my shoulder…
“We have her.”
We went back to the security office to wait for her.
She walked around the corner with a security guard. Our eyes met and she ran to me, sobbing. Her little arms, squeezing around my neck, as she sobbed. She kept whispering, “I was so scared, Mom. I couldn’t find you.” Her little body was shaking. We just held on until we calmed down. She only let go when her daddy came in, so he could hug her.
They found her on the other side of the convention center. She had realized she was lost and walked until she found someone in a security uniform to ask for help. We had a call on our home phone when we got home – she had told the security guard her phone number and he called it on his cell phone to say he had her. If only we had checked! We would have found her sooner.
I can’t believe how quickly it happened. We blinked and she vanished. It was completely innocent – she just got confused and was trying to remember what we taught her about being lost. We turned for a second and missed her wandering. The security people said it happens all the time. I can see why.
I am so thankful. I can’t even think about what could have happened. I’ve seen too much on the news lately about the dreadful things people do to children. Grace is having some anxiety still – she has been crying in her sleep is nervous about leaving us. Frankly, I’m nervous about letting her out of my sight as well.
Snuggle your little one. And teach them your cell phone number.
