Yesterday Ellie had a tubing trip with her Girl Scout troop. In my attempt to be organized, I had printed out the permission slip with all the details and paper clipped it in my planner so I wouldn’t forget. I followed all the instructions, packed everything she needed and layered her with sunscreen. We pulled into the parking lot of her school at 12:25 – exactly 5 minutes before they were scheduled to leave.
The parking lot was completely empty.
I’m panicking – the permission slip just said “drop off point at 12:30.” Did I have the wrong drop off point? This was always the drop off point! I’m calling people’s cell phones, but no one is answering. Calling my husband, trying to figure it out. I finally was searching old emails and found one that said the drop off point was – you guessed it – the tubing place. NOT the school. We were at least half an hour away – I was driving as fast as I could, trying to call people and tell them to wait, but couldn’t get hold of anyone.
I knew there was a very good chance she was going to miss this trip. Because of me.
I’m so tired of being ‘that mom.’ The mom who is always late, forgetting things, getting the phone calls and emails because I’m about to miss deadlines. I’m tired of being such a spaz. I don’t know what else to do. I already write practically everything down and have alerts sent to my phone with reminders. And yet I still do stuff like this. I hate it. It makes me feel like a failure. Like I’m the worst mom ever.
And I swear it pretty much only happens with Girl Scouts. I don’t know why I can’t get it together with this. I hate that I always drop the ball with this activity. Its like I am physically unable to do anything right with them. What is my problem?
I cried almost the whole way to the tubing place. I was so frustrated and mad at myself.
She was comforting me from the backseat. Saying, “Its okay, Mom. Everyone makes mistakes. Its just tubing. Don’t worry. Its okay.”
I don’t deserve this kid.
We made it with one minute to spare. And once again, all the Girl Scout moms probably thought I was the crazy spaz I usually am in front of them, as I show up completely frazzled with red eyes from crying. But she made it. And she had a terrific time.
Thank God for small favors.